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Lets Unpack Tina's Story

 

Trapped by a Narcissist: Tina’s Journey from Love Bombing to Liberation

 

Narcissistic abuse doesn’t always start with shouting or control. Sometimes, it begins with tenderness — with someone who listens, compliments, and makes you feel seen for the first time in years.

 

That’s how it began for Tina, a woman originally from Germany who met “C” online over 20 years ago. What started as a cross-language love story quickly turned into a decade of manipulation, control, and trauma.

Following Tina's story, lets take a look at the narcissistic traits and red flags that marked every step of her journey.

 

1. Love Bombing: “You’re My Soulmate”

When Tina first met C, she was vulnerable — healing from a loveless relationship and struggling with self-esteem. C filled that void instantly. He spent hours listening, showered her with compliments, and told her they were soulmates.

 

This stage — love bombing — is a hallmark of narcissistic abuse. The narcissist creates intense emotional dependency by giving the victim what feels like unconditional love and attention. The goal isn’t genuine affection — it’s control.

 

“He was sensitive, creative, intelligent, and told me everything I wanted to hear.”

It felt like destiny. In reality, it was the trap closing.

 

2. Early Red Flags and Excuses

The first signs appeared quickly. C screamed insults down the phone when Tina came home from work later than expected. Instead of recognizing this as emotional abuse, Tina rationalized it — blaming the language barrier, his anxiety, and the long-distance stress.

 

This is cognitive dissonance, common in victims of narcissistic abuse. When the abuser’s behavior contradicts their “loving” persona, the mind looks for excuses to make sense of it.

 

3. Isolation and Control

Once C moved to Germany with Tina, his control tightened. His jealousy and sulking made it easier for her to cut off friends and family — a tactic narcissists use to isolate their victims and make them entirely dependent.

 

“I told friends it was because of his mental health… and in my mind it confirmed what he had drummed into me — that only he and I could understand each other.”

 

This emotional isolation is one of the most dangerous tools of coercive control. The victim’s world shrinks until only the abuser’s reality exists.

 

4. Gaslighting and False Promises

When they later moved to England, C promised they’d soon have their own home — but it was a lie. He had never applied for housing.

 

He manipulated Tina’s trust while continuing to refuse work, trapping her financially and emotionally.

Gaslighting — making someone doubt their own perception of reality — kept her locked in confusion. Whenever she questioned him, C twisted the truth until she felt guilty.

 

5. Coercive Control and Psychological Domination

C’s control over Tina became extreme. He dictated how she could smell, dress, and even bathe. He inspected her daily to ensure she wasn’t wearing lotion, perfume, or deodorant. This wasn’t about sinusitis — it was about power.

 

“Every morning I had to undergo an inspection where he sniffed me all over to make sure I had followed the rules.”

 

This is coercive control — a systematic campaign to strip away a person’s autonomy, dignity, and identity. It’s now recognized as a criminal offense in the UK.

 

6. Threats, Rage, and Physical Violence

The abuse escalated to frequent violence. C screamed, smashed objects, spat in her face, chased her with knives, and once threw her outside barefoot in freezing temperatures.

 

Narcissists often oscillate between rage and remorse, keeping their victims disoriented and emotionally dependent. After each explosion, there might be brief moments of tenderness — enough to convince the victim to stay.

 

7. Trauma Bonding and Learned Helplessness

Despite the horror, Tina stayed. Why? Because after years of psychological conditioning, her mind was trapped in what’s known as a trauma bond — a cycle of fear, hope, and dependence created by intermittent rewards and punishment.

 

C threatened suicide if she left, making her feel responsible for his life. This emotional blackmail is common in narcissistic relationships.

Victims end up caring for their abuser out of guilt and fear, not love.

 

8. The Aftermath: The Body Remembers

After a decade of abuse, Tina’s body began to break down. Chronic illness, fibromyalgia, cyclic vomiting syndrome, and eventually heart failure — all rooted in prolonged trauma and constant fight-or-flight.

“Being in fight or flight 24/7 for 10 years destroyed my body.”

 

Psychological abuse doesn’t just leave emotional scars. It damages the nervous system, the immune response, and the heart itself. Recovery isn’t just mental — it’s physical and spiritual.

 

9. Breaking Free — and Rebuilding

Tina eventually escaped with her beloved dog Milo, the one being who kept her alive when all hope was lost. Women’s Aid helped her find a safe place, and in time, she rebuilt her life with the help of a kind man who became her husband.

 

But recovery was not instant. It took years of therapy, trauma healing, and self-compassion to reclaim her sense of self.

 

10. Raising Awareness: The Truth About Narcissistic Abuse

Tina’s story shows how subtle, powerful, and destructive narcissistic abuse can be. It doesn’t start with violence — it starts with vulnerability, love bombing, and promises of forever.

 

By the time the victim sees the monster behind the mask, their world has already been dismantled.

 

Common narcissistic traits in her abuser included:

• Excessive need for control and admiration

• Lack of empathy

• Explosive anger and verbal abuse

• Manipulation through guilt and pity

• Isolation from loved ones

• Gaslighting and blame-shifting

• Financial exploitation

• Emotional and physical coercion

 

You Are Not Alone

 

If Tina’s story resonates with you, know this: You are not weak. You are not to blame. You are not alone.
Narcissistic abuse is designed to make you forget your worth — but there is a way out, and healing is possible.

“There is NEVER an excuse for violence, threats, or coercive control. You deserve better. You can get out, and you can get better. Reach out.”

 

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse:

Call Women’s Aid 24/7 at 0808 2000 247

 

Tina’s courage in sharing her story is a reminder that survival is possible — and that speaking out is one of the most powerful steps toward healing.